zerotohiro | I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it [W3-Post Execution]

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I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it [W3-Post Execution]

[Ice cream has now officially been tainted by robots. Great. Perfect. This is the only thing that could happen on Moron Island that Hiro rules as being totally ridiculous and he hauls himself off to the jungle after the execution before anybody can notice he's gone. He spends time among the trees and down by the oasis and cavern, picking up rocks, shells, whatever he can fit into his pocket.

It's as the sun's setting that he finds himself down at an isolated place on the beach, sitting in the sand and sweater next to him holding the shells and rocks. He's hardly paying attention to his surroundings anymore as he hauls back, angrily throwing stones into the ocean. Stupid island. Stupid rules. Stupid...everything.

He's ready to throw another rock when he notices the shadows changing behind him. He pauses to look up, spotting Akira standing there and he gives him a blank look. He can't say he's surprised to see him, but simultaneously he doesn't know what to say.

So. He settles for throwing the rock with a short scowl.]

Hey.

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[akira just... plops down in the sand next to hiro. which is probably not what most people do the day after calling them out on some weird shit.

but akira's not most people, and he has more faith in a smart teenager than any adult. he believes in them a hell of a lot more—so he feels there's potential to fix whatever strange tension exists, so long as hiro hasn't given up on him.]

Tell the ocean who the boss is here.

[Normally he'd at least crack a smile at the quip but instead his expression remains pretty blank even as he takes another rock and throws it as hard as he can, listening to the plop as it hits the surface of the water and sinks.]

Maybe the ocean would be a better listener.

It won't talk back and sass you.

[for whatever that's worth.]

People are probably a little better, unless you're trying to get them all to listen to the same thing.

[Silence. And another item gets thrown in the ocean. This time it's a shell.]

I've never...[No. That's not the way to approach that.] People are unpredictable and it's the main reason we keep tripping ourselves up. People are going to go with what feels safe and makes sense even if there's no logic behind it. We can't keep being logical and yet we still do.

[He still does, anyway.]

...I don't get people sometimes. No matter how hard we try it almost feels totally pointless when people are just going to disappoint you or people are going to get hurt. [And then, quickly:] It's not pointless to solve the murders and stop them. That's not what I mean. But...everything else?

[Another stretch of silence.]

What are you trying to get home to, Akira?

Solving the murders and everything else go hand-in-hand. It's... broken logic, but that's just part of life, I think. Making bond, making friends or enemies... trust and betrayal.

We all only want the good, but you can't stop the bad that comes with it.

[it's no different here, it's just a lot more intense.]

For me... my friends. My goals. The people who matter. I want to get back to them...

[though he sucks in a quiet breath; haru's still gone. haru's gone, and he has no way of knowing if there will be any way face those people after she died in the way she did—

when he failed to protect her at all, despite being the leader.]

[That's all very important. He gets it, he thinks, and he finally stops throwing stuff into the water to bury his hands in the sand instead.]

What about if the bad outweighs the good all the time? [It's a very childish question, he knows, but it's worth asking.] This game's supposed to be about trust and bonds and people keep making it way too hard to trust any of them.

[...] ...I need to get home and stop the guy that killed my older brother before he hurts anyone else. And if I can't even figure out stuff here, how am I supposed to do something like that? We pinpointed the wrong guy back there, too. Why isn't this getting any better? [The island. Life. Both. Pick one.]

That's the idea. They want us to distrust more than we trust. You have to just... try to believe in people more. And maybe remember that nobody here really wants this. Nobody... wanted to play this game.

Our hands are forced here.

[after hearing the way battler and jack spoke of their roles, any doubt that it was voluntary could be easily assuaged.]

What we're doing here is made to be impossible. The things you're doing at home, whatever they are—they won't be like this.

[a pause.] You're a smart kid, Hiro. This is just a rigged game—it's all bullshit.

Believing in people gets people killed, Akira. That's why this game works so well. [It's a lot of bitterness coming out of a 14 year old boy but he's pretty firm about that.] I know most of the people here don't want to play this game and that people's hands are forced, but I don't want to keep trusting people and later find out they were also suspicious of me anyway or they were planning to use it against me. Trust is fine. False trust isn't.

...and that's the thing. I have never felt so stupid in my entire life. [It's also highly uncomfortable.] It's like I can't keep up sometimes and that's probably the worst part. How am I supposed to help when my brain isn't even working?

[Thank you for being melodramatic, Hiro. There's a pause though.] It's what I hate about trials. I need to prove I can fix this and figure things out. It's some of the only leverage I have left to stay alive and actually figure it out. So...if you're here because of what happened yesterday, I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to you and it's not happening again.

Not believing in people gets people killed to. It's a rigged game—even when we "win," we lose. So... I want to try and believe in the capability of the people here instead of inherently distrusting them.

[but he get what hiro is saying. even for akira, it's difficult. there are people who have betrayed histrust—people he needs to trust to stay alive. adults are hard to trut in general, with how badly they've burned him in the past.

but akira knows that unlike at home, he's pretty helpless here. they're all made to be stupid.] Your brain is fine. Rigged. Game. We're set up to fail.

[drill that into your head, child.]

And I'm not here just because of yesterday. I wanted to talk to you. Yesterday is only a small part of that. [he doesn't sound angry or bothered, at least.]

[There's a huff because like. That sucks? This whole thing is so stupid and frustrating and for that instead of immediately saying so he lobs another stone into the ocean. Stupid island.]

There has to be another way out we just aren't thinking about. There's always a better solution than trying to kill everyone. ...there are some people I trust, but there are some people I trusted that I should have taken a second look at. That's another part of the game, I guess.

[But still. Failure isn't his favorite thing and he digs the toe of his sneaker into the sand.]

...if it makes you feel any better, you weren't the only one on Lelouch's list. I'm just the one who wasn't mentioned. From what I figured out, it was just that if we felt like working against everybody else, people like us and the other people on that list would be dangerous. They keep telling us not to look into the evidence, but where do we draw a line between that and the truth, you know?

I wish I had better answers, but I don't. [he understands where hiro is coming from—he just doesn't have the right things to ease those worries, he guesses.] We just have to keep trying to find answers.

In a way that isn't going to recklessly hurt others.

[thanks, jungle crew.]

Anyway. It wasn't because of Lelouch's list I wanted to talk to you. I don't ... really have an interest in talking about him or his outlandish suspicions when he was the suspicious one.

You and me both. But...I know. I'm still not sure what they were thinking, and I hope the bananas were worth it. [There's a moment's pause then...and he tips himself backwards to lay on his back in the sand and stare at the sky. Whatever.]

Even knowing he was suspicious of me, I can't be mad at him. We were friends. [But he can respect that.] But sure. No more talking about Lelouch. Did...you have something particular in mind then? [Because if not, Hiro's starting to gauge to see if Akira might be an okay person to confirm some things with.]

Edited 2017-08-29 22:19 (UTC)

["friends." with a guy like that, he has doubts that "friend" is the right word, but akira seems to not react to it externally.]

A little digging. Even if it had nothing to do with the list, you've been pretty tense with me.

[and akira's just not one to let things sit.] So I wanted to see if there was something I could do to fix that.

[For the best. Hiro would probably fight him on that and he doesn't seem that interested in fighting right now. He's not bothering to move from his flopped position and instead he just squints at the sky.]

...it's not really anything personal. I'm just not really used to dealing with people your age anymore? [What the hell kind of statement is that.] And like I said I'm not used to not having answers and it's kind of embarrassing. That's all.

Do I even want to know what age people you're used to dealing with? I'm not that much older than you.

[hiro pls.]

There's nothing to be embarrassed about, anyway. None of us have answers, and none of us know better whether that's usually the case or not.

[Eheh.]

Peeeople in their 20s, professors and customers? [There's a sheepish grin.] My aunt owns a café and as soon as I get back I'm starting my college classes. I kinda got a late start.

[So yeah. Surprise. Akira now knows Hiro's sometimes just an awkward shit.]

I know nobody has the answers here, or at least answers they want to share. But I could probably avoid drawing that much attention to myself anyway…right? Being right is one thing. Realizing I was wrong and then somebody else picking up my slack? It's something to get used to. [A beat.] I want to prove I still belong here.

[it's fair. akira can understand where he's coming from. but akira... also sees things in a pretty different manner.]

You belong here as much as any of us do. Which is to say that none of us really belong here. And we're all taking shots in the dark trying to figure out what to do, anyway.

...Don't be so hard on yourself.

[There's a slow nod. This requires focus, after all, and being stuck in his own cycle of bullshit isn't helping.]

I have a question for you, but I don't want to take offense to it. It's just important. Okay? [And before Akira can reply:] How much can I really trust you?

I'm not offended.

[first of all.]

But I don't think I can make that choice for you. [honestly speaking.] Maybe that doesn't help or makes me look suspicious, but.

I don't want to make some arbitrary choice on how much I think you should trust me. It would be nice if you did, but I can understand why you might not want to.

[...hm. That's a good answer and he considers before he finally sits up in the sand, fixing Akira with a serious look.]

I might have done something that could get me killed this week, depending on who gets the information. Figure it's a good idea to have somebody likely to stay alive know the truth in case it comes up.

If you're worried about me spilling the beans about anything, that's not going to happen.

[and you know, also:] I'm not in the business of targeting people for kills, either.

[in case he's concerned about that? he's not even sure here.]

I didn't think you were. But what do you know about Jacopo? Anything?

[akira shakes his head.]

We haven't spoken much, so I can't say I know a lot about him.

Guy's going around sharing people's roles and throwing around accusations. It's probably something we should look out for before one wrong rumor gets another 10 people killed.

[he nods.]

That was pretty weird. Lucina could have easily explained things without him jumping in, and then he was pretty tight-lipped right afterward. I'm not sure there's any stopping that guy's mouth, though.

It's not even just Lucina. He tried outting someone to me and assumed some stuff about me, too. Who even knows what he's saying to everybody else and I guess it's just...if he tells anybody what I told him, I might end up dead? That's probably a problem.

He says he doesn't have a role, but I'm not even sure anymore.

Being that loose-lipped is... definitely dangerous.

[...]

Possibly more for him than anyone else. [he says that quietly, thinking about lelouch and how that went for him.]

I guess this is why people aren't supposed to reveal roles if they have them.

[he sighs.] I won't ask what you told him unless you want to tell me, but if it's that bad... [it's mildly concerning.]

Trust me, I know. Especially knowing his information's wrong. That's what's going to get people killed and that's what I'm worried about. [Not even just himself.]

It's...even if you don't count what I told him, I really, really need to focus on finding the Wickie. Which is hard because like you said, people aren't supposed to reveal roles if they have them, but I need to find them and talk to them before it's too late.

It's not like there's a handy list to go by this time, so...you can see where the real problem is. Why I need to get better at this and talking to people. If that makes sense? It probably doesn't make sense. [Hiro...]

It makes sense, Hiro.

[chill, child. chill.]

I don't know if that'll get anyone to reveal their roles, though. I know I sure haven't gotten anyone to spill anything like that to me.

[What's chill and can you eat it?]

I don't think his approach will, no. [He's scrubbing a hand through his hair and probably spreading sand everywhere.] ...does that mean you've been trying, too?

To an extent. I'm not trying to pry for information or anything like that.

[just to be clear here.] I'm just wondering if it's even possible to build that kind of trust with others in a situation like this, where someone would even be willing to share it.

I mean yes, it's possible. [He won't specifically clarify why he's sure of that, but he's very sure of that.]

Anyway it's like you said. Hal and Pal want us to distrust more than trust. I'm just thinking that if a few of us are looking for these people...we can build up enough trust that we can protect the people we need to protect, get some of the information we need to end this game and then everybody wins. It's probably not that easy--[definitely not, but whatever]--but it's worth a shot. But I think most people want to know at least that people are working toward the same goal before we start working behind the scenes.

Jacopo might be spreading false information, but I can't say I'm not taking some of his information into account.

[yeah, uh. hiro. not clarifying that really doesn't help the trust-building case here.

...something he will keep note of, even if he only gives hiro a mild look.]

I see.

[honestly speaking, he's not really sure what hiro wants from him. he wants to build trust in people sincerely, but doing that is pretty at odds with working behind the scenes and even being really vague with someone he seems to want to work with.

it puts akira in a bit of an awkward position, especially because his approach has been entirely different.]

It seems like you've got more on the information train than I do, in any case.

...I've had a few people trust me with some information lately. I can't really say I expected it, but...[There's an annoyed sound.]

See this whole thing is so stupid because you have people you want to protect, and other people you want to trust, but in a place like this it's almost impossible to do both. So all I can really say is that some people have told me some things, and I used that as leverage against Jacopo by lying to him and now I don't know who he might have told. So if I get killed because he thinks I have a role in this game then at least someone else knows and the people I'm trying to protect and the person I'm posing as might be safer for a little longer.

[akira falls silent, contemplating that. it's weird being on this end of things, he realizes. the feeling of being out of the loop, of people not really telling him everything—

that's such a normal thing, but his situation back home definitely conditioned him to be in the loop and do well with gathering information, and yet here...

he's helpless here.

and it's frustrating. it's a bit of a rare feeling, but akira finds himself actively frustrated that hiro not only knows a bit about people in these roles, but he's lying and protecting people's lives with it. that hits... a really strange spot for him, and he needs a second to process it, falling quiet.]

...It's always going to be frustrating, I guess.

And until we have a better idea how to make it not frustrating...here we are. [A shrug. What else is there to really say? He's already fallen down a path and he's going to take it. Who knows how that'll turn out?]

...if I find out anything else that might help, I'll let you know.

[he nods. he supposes there's no getting around it.]

Right. I can do the same... if I end up finding out anything at all.

Thanks, Akira. This is the only way we're going to get anywhere. [...] And thanks for being cool about everything.

Things are tough on all of us. We're not going to help ourselves by not trying to ally ourselves, even if we have misunderstandings.

[that's just the sort of person akira is.]

You're right. I know. [...] I'm still learning to work with my team back home, too, so I guess this is good practice. If anything comes up, I'll let you know.

[well, he was going to let that drop completely, but...

well, word choice. he's curious.]

Your team?

Yeah. [He smiles faintly before moving to toss another stone in the ocean.] My friends and I are superheroes back home. Six of us, including me. It was sort of my idea to make us into a team so...I guess that makes me the leader? I dunno. Like I said we're still learning to work together and I think I owe them an apology, too, but I can't do that if I don't get out of here first.

Huh.

[strangely... they have something like that in common too, huh.]

I don't think deciding to make a team makes you the leader. [he doesn't mean that in a rude way; if anything, he sounds kind of fond and thoughtful about it.] If they look to you for what to do, if they trust you...

It's that kinda thing. Sometimes it takes a while to really figure it out.

That's what I mean. It was my idea and they followed my lead because they trusted me to make things better. I don't think they would have if it weren't for the circumstances, but we all want the same thing. I'm just the one executing the plans. Me and Baymax, anyway.

But like I said...I'm still figuring it out. Being here has given me way too much time to think.

Circumstances or not, they trust in you. It takes a while to figure out the best way to lead a team and make sure everyone works together with the right brand of unity.

[wow. it's almost like akira knows what he's talking about here.]

Just try not to overthink it. Sometimes, it really is about just going with your gut and what feels right.

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I don't blame you for being you but you can't blame me for hating it [W3-Post Execution]

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