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zerotohiro) wrote2015-01-13 09:16 pm
zerotohiro) wrote2015-01-13 09:16 pm
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I'll be the watcher of the eternal flame [Eachdraidh IC Contact]
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"Busy. Leave a message!"
"Busy. Leave a message!"
I'm outside. I don't know how to ward anything outside. [But he's getting up and walking, looking for somewhere he can seal himself up. Jason's next statement though is what really drives the knife into his chest and he doesn't say anything for a moment.
He could argue. He could yell at Jason, justify his leaving, do everything in his power to try and convince the older man that this had nothing to do with disobeying him, but...it's true. Jason never said he could leave. And Jason...was unstable. He knew that. He's known for a while, and pulling the shit he did probably didn't help.
Plus of course there's the fact he's just too tired to fight him. Physically, emotionally, everything. July had been trying on his thoughts and emotions and at first he thought he was doing Jason a favor by keeping his distance. Then things happened and it just escalated and now here they are.]
When I get home, you can break my nose or whatever. I'm not going to go anywhere for a long time.
[Eventually he finds an abandoned little shack and he walks inside after checking it's empty. It occurs to him that he doesn't actually know how to ward the conversation and so...he haphazards a guess, cutting his finger, spreading blood on his lips and mumbling the spell he'd heard from Ariadne before spreading the blood on the doorframe as well. If that doesn't work...then whatever. He also makes quick work to draw the sealing rune on the door to ensure it won't open before the conversation's finished.]
What's wrong?
He could argue. He could yell at Jason, justify his leaving, do everything in his power to try and convince the older man that this had nothing to do with disobeying him, but...it's true. Jason never said he could leave. And Jason...was unstable. He knew that. He's known for a while, and pulling the shit he did probably didn't help.
Plus of course there's the fact he's just too tired to fight him. Physically, emotionally, everything. July had been trying on his thoughts and emotions and at first he thought he was doing Jason a favor by keeping his distance. Then things happened and it just escalated and now here they are.]
When I get home, you can break my nose or whatever. I'm not going to go anywhere for a long time.
[Eventually he finds an abandoned little shack and he walks inside after checking it's empty. It occurs to him that he doesn't actually know how to ward the conversation and so...he haphazards a guess, cutting his finger, spreading blood on his lips and mumbling the spell he'd heard from Ariadne before spreading the blood on the doorframe as well. If that doesn't work...then whatever. He also makes quick work to draw the sealing rune on the door to ensure it won't open before the conversation's finished.]
What's wrong?
Edited 2015-08-03 03:14 (UTC)
( the problem is, she doesn't even know what to say. Hiro's done things in the past that have worried her, but she's never felt disappointed by him, not really. it's a first. )
You didn't tell Jason that you left.
( it's not a question, it's a statement, because she wants him to know that she's aware. her voice is softer after that, could edge on sad. )
Why didn't you say anything? To me? ( a beat, hesitant, and she can't keep the emotion out of her voice. ) Do you not trust me anymore, after I told Jason about what we talked about at Redgate?
You didn't tell Jason that you left.
( it's not a question, it's a statement, because she wants him to know that she's aware. her voice is softer after that, could edge on sad. )
Why didn't you say anything? To me? ( a beat, hesitant, and she can't keep the emotion out of her voice. ) Do you not trust me anymore, after I told Jason about what we talked about at Redgate?
[Jason waits to speak until it's clear that Hiro has at least attempted to find somewhere private to talk. He intended to fill him in on everything, but finding out that he had headed out without so much of a word to him had change Jason's priorities. If Hiro is going to give him limited information, then Jason is going to do the same in return.]
Do what you want. I'm not your keeper anymore. [As if he has been ever.
These words aren't meant to be used against Hiro. He can't do it anymore, not after the month he just had. Even if he's just weeks away from Clarke's attempt to help him, he can't add the strain of Hiro to the list of everything.
Maybe he is disappointed, after all.
Or maybe he's just not surprised.
As it is, he goes on:]
Clarke just had vision about a bunch of monstrous mechanical creatures with shard eyes deciding to destroy the fuck out of everything. [See, all business.] I'm sure you can put two and two and figure out where they came from. That's a clear hitch in our plans.
Touch base with Loki when you get back.
Do what you want. I'm not your keeper anymore. [As if he has been ever.
These words aren't meant to be used against Hiro. He can't do it anymore, not after the month he just had. Even if he's just weeks away from Clarke's attempt to help him, he can't add the strain of Hiro to the list of everything.
Maybe he is disappointed, after all.
Or maybe he's just not surprised.
As it is, he goes on:]
Clarke just had vision about a bunch of monstrous mechanical creatures with shard eyes deciding to destroy the fuck out of everything. [See, all business.] I'm sure you can put two and two and figure out where they came from. That's a clear hitch in our plans.
Touch base with Loki when you get back.
[He's awake, because of course he is. Sleeping isn't doing him any favors and after the call with Jason he's sort of felt absolutely terrible. Hearing Clarke's message though doesn't help at all. Actually, it just makes him feel even worse. He debates not responding to her at all, but when he clicks onto the network to respond he's very quiet.]
No. It's not that. [He thinks about saying "sorry", but he's not sure it'll even help anymore.] I don't know. [He knows exactly why.] I just--
[...something occurs to him though and he stops.] You told Jason. [It makes perfect sense. It suddenly clicks how Jason found out, why Jason was upset, how Clarke stumbled into the middle of something bigger that's his own fault that he thought was, what, helping? This is a mess, as usual, and on top of being completely certain he's finally fucked up enough to lose his--Jason, now he's disappointed Clarke.
Maybe he should just ask Bellamy to leave him in Glaschu.]
I didn't know you two were talking that much about it. [About them, he means.]
No. It's not that. [He thinks about saying "sorry", but he's not sure it'll even help anymore.] I don't know. [He knows exactly why.] I just--
[...something occurs to him though and he stops.] You told Jason. [It makes perfect sense. It suddenly clicks how Jason found out, why Jason was upset, how Clarke stumbled into the middle of something bigger that's his own fault that he thought was, what, helping? This is a mess, as usual, and on top of being completely certain he's finally fucked up enough to lose his--Jason, now he's disappointed Clarke.
Maybe he should just ask Bellamy to leave him in Glaschu.]
I didn't know you two were talking that much about it. [About them, he means.]
[It's not even hard to understand he's in the wrong here. It's not hard to realize that he completely screwed up by trying to keep everything from Jason until he could actually see him in person and keeping everything bad from him that's happened due to his own shortcomings. This was his own fault. Shuck's curse was his own fault. If he'd actually stayed still and listened none of this would be happening.
The news of the vision worries him, but he doesn't say so. He gets exactly what Jason's saying. He wants to speculate. He wants to theorize and question and tell Jason everything...but too little too late, isn't it?
So instead, he keeps quiet until he thinks Jason's finished.]
Okay. [That's it. No arguments, no egging him on...nothing.] I'll finish that as soon as possible.
[There's a pause...and he knows Jason's probably going to be pissed at him for asking, but.] Are you okay? [In general.]
The news of the vision worries him, but he doesn't say so. He gets exactly what Jason's saying. He wants to speculate. He wants to theorize and question and tell Jason everything...but too little too late, isn't it?
So instead, he keeps quiet until he thinks Jason's finished.]
Okay. [That's it. No arguments, no egging him on...nothing.] I'll finish that as soon as possible.
[There's a pause...and he knows Jason's probably going to be pissed at him for asking, but.] Are you okay? [In general.]
No.
[He doesn't lie, because there's no point in lying. He literally ran away from an assignment from Morla because of his failure in Mair, because he had been unable to find a solution that would make all of their lives better. The Shuck wanted them dead. The Red Hand was a manipulative organization. The Cult was trying to kill Avatars for power so that they could devour it, for some reason. That part is still murky. And now the dwarves wanted to speed up Armageddon while holding on to information they needed.]
But Clarke's helping me out. [Both currently and in the future. He won't get better, but he can't just stop.]
You should probably get going. [This isn't blowing him off, not entirely. He just doesn't want to talk about it again, not to Clarke, not to Loki, not to anyone. Highlighting the odds stacked against them is one of his least favorite things.]
[He doesn't lie, because there's no point in lying. He literally ran away from an assignment from Morla because of his failure in Mair, because he had been unable to find a solution that would make all of their lives better. The Shuck wanted them dead. The Red Hand was a manipulative organization. The Cult was trying to kill Avatars for power so that they could devour it, for some reason. That part is still murky. And now the dwarves wanted to speed up Armageddon while holding on to information they needed.]
But Clarke's helping me out. [Both currently and in the future. He won't get better, but he can't just stop.]
You should probably get going. [This isn't blowing him off, not entirely. He just doesn't want to talk about it again, not to Clarke, not to Loki, not to anyone. Highlighting the odds stacked against them is one of his least favorite things.]
He wanted to know where you were; he told me that you two haven't spoken for over a month.
( there's no accusation in her voice, none, just- she's calm about it, albeit emotional. she worries. )
I thought things were okay? At least... passably. Enough that you were talking to him.
( there's no accusation in her voice, none, just- she's calm about it, albeit emotional. she worries. )
I thought things were okay? At least... passably. Enough that you were talking to him.
...oh. [It's hard to say if the "oh" is because of the easy dismissal or because of the fact that Clarke's helping him. On the one hand, he's grateful for that. On the other though...it doesn't help him feel any less terrible about avoiding him for a month.]
Okay. [It's awkward. He recognizes it's awkward and there are a lot of things he has to say, but he doesn't quite know how to say them.] I'll let you know when Loki and I get what we need.
Okay. [It's awkward. He recognizes it's awkward and there are a lot of things he has to say, but he doesn't quite know how to say them.] I'll let you know when Loki and I get what we need.
Clarke, I can't really talk about this. [Because he's busted. Because he knows he screwed up. Because he has absolutely no idea how to explain his thoughts and emotions to someone like Clarke and he's already upset her enough. So instead, he thinks about what Jason told him.]
...he said you're helping him out. [It's not only to tell her that he knows, but also to let her know Jason got a hold of him first.] Can you keep doing that for me?
...he said you're helping him out. [It's not only to tell her that he knows, but also to let her know Jason got a hold of him first.] Can you keep doing that for me?
I'll always help Jason, no matter what.
( her response is immediate, comes without hesitation. if there's something she can be counted on to do- it's doing her best to help and look out for anyone in the people in Diasbaile (and their surrounding circle) who have become so significant to her.
but that includes Hiro. )
I love you, okay? I was worried, and a little upset that you kept it from me, but I still love you, and I'm still here if you need anything. That never changes.
( her response is immediate, comes without hesitation. if there's something she can be counted on to do- it's doing her best to help and look out for anyone in the people in Diasbaile (and their surrounding circle) who have become so significant to her.
but that includes Hiro. )
I love you, okay? I was worried, and a little upset that you kept it from me, but I still love you, and I'm still here if you need anything. That never changes.
[Nope. How dare you use the L-word, Clarke? It's the final snapping point though and he suddenly inhales sharply.]
I messed up. [It would have been fine if Jason hadn't already talked to him. Maybe it would have been fine if that had happened but the rest of July hadn't been a mess. But it was, and it was his fault.] I really messed up and I'm trying to figure out how to fix it and I think I really hurt him this time and I shouldn't have gone but I needed to do this and...I'm sorry.
I messed up. [It would have been fine if Jason hadn't already talked to him. Maybe it would have been fine if that had happened but the rest of July hadn't been a mess. But it was, and it was his fault.] I really messed up and I'm trying to figure out how to fix it and I think I really hurt him this time and I shouldn't have gone but I needed to do this and...I'm sorry.
( Clarke's quiet as she listens to him, and the only noise that comes from her initially is a deep breath being taken, exhaled slowly. )
It's okay, Hiro. We'll figure it out when you get back, okay? Sometimes Jason is- Difficult to talk to. ( understatement. ) And it's easy to feel like you messed up with him, really easy. But even if- ( rather large emphasis on if. ) -you messed up or hurt him, nothing is ever beyond fixing with family, okay? Nothing.
It's okay, Hiro. We'll figure it out when you get back, okay? Sometimes Jason is- Difficult to talk to. ( understatement. ) And it's easy to feel like you messed up with him, really easy. But even if- ( rather large emphasis on if. ) -you messed up or hurt him, nothing is ever beyond fixing with family, okay? Nothing.
It's not just that. [Hiro, stop.] I...messed something else up, too. And I can't tell Jason and I can't tell you and I'm really sorry, I'm trying to fix it because it was my mistake. And I should have listened to Jason, but she needed help and--[He's sort of just babbling at this point. He'd told Bellamy part of this earlier today. It's been a few weeks and the visions of the dying around him continue haunting his dreams to the point of almost driving him completely insane.]
...he's not my keeper anymore. [And it sounds crazy, and he knows it's (probably) not true, but he's having a hard time differentiating "keeper" from "friend" from "family."] He didn't even yell at me this time. That's how I know.
...he's not my keeper anymore. [And it sounds crazy, and he knows it's (probably) not true, but he's having a hard time differentiating "keeper" from "friend" from "family."] He didn't even yell at me this time. That's how I know.
Wait, Hiro, what- Who needed help? ( okay, okay, she's definitely lost on that part, but-
but her chest tightens in the worst way at the last part. Jason being angry is easy to handle; you wait it out and then try again, with a new approach, or just until the rage ebbs off and the subject can be brought up again. but this- Clarke exhales a sigh, quiet. )
I can promise you it's going to be okay, Hiro. ( a beat. ) We have a spare room at the house, do you want to come stay for a little while when you're back? And we can figure things out from there, if you want.
but her chest tightens in the worst way at the last part. Jason being angry is easy to handle; you wait it out and then try again, with a new approach, or just until the rage ebbs off and the subject can be brought up again. but this- Clarke exhales a sigh, quiet. )
I can promise you it's going to be okay, Hiro. ( a beat. ) We have a spare room at the house, do you want to come stay for a little while when you're back? And we can figure things out from there, if you want.
I should have said no to her but she needed someone to go with her and I knew how to find him and where to go and what was out there, and she believed in me and I helped keep her safe but I didn't know. [He seems to be only half-connected to the conversation because he's thinking about Jason. Thinking about how he should have told Jason he was going to Quendi, should have called him, shouldn't have tried to give him space, shouldn't have hid from him out of fear and shame and whatever else came from the last few weeks.
Clarke's offer would normally be appreciated but he shakes his head despite the fact she can't see it.] I can't. I have to go back. I have to go back, I can't leave Caer Scima again after this. I have to fix everything.
Clarke's offer would normally be appreciated but he shakes his head despite the fact she can't see it.] I can't. I have to go back. I have to go back, I can't leave Caer Scima again after this. I have to fix everything.
Hiro.
( her voice is a little louder now, meant to snap his attention back to her properly. )
Who needed your help, and what did you do?
( her voice is a little louder now, meant to snap his attention back to her properly. )
Who needed your help, and what did you do?
Lightning. [The sound of Clarke's voice grounds him, even as his own voice sort of cracks a bit in a higher pitch as he goes on to (vaguely) explain.] She wanted to go find Shuck and asked me to help her get there so I went to Quendi with her.
( shit. )
You saw him, didn't you? ( she already knew he was angry when people had gone to him, people that were not his own. ) What happened?
You saw him, didn't you? ( she already knew he was angry when people had gone to him, people that were not his own. ) What happened?
He didn't even listen. [That doesn't explain anything of what happened...which means it's probably sort of bad.] Lightning was just trying to help and he's not the same as what he was and something changed. Clarke, he doesn't care. He's done with all of us.
Loki's in charge of that stuff, so you should be reporting to him, anyway.
[Also known as: another way to brush Hiro off.
Despite his desperate attempts at not hanging up on anyone after Ariadne chastised him, he does it this time.]
[Also known as: another way to brush Hiro off.
Despite his desperate attempts at not hanging up on anyone after Ariadne chastised him, he does it this time.]
Hiro, hey- Listen to me. ( she's quiet for a moment, taking a deep breath. ) I know he is. I know. I already talked to Jason about it, we're going to talk to the Queen- It's going to be okay, we'll figure this out, too.
[...of course she already talked to Jason about it. There's something that tugs in his brain, something he's not sure how to interpret but he doesn't dwell on it. Well okay. Those two would be okay talking to Morla. That makes sense.
But is it going to be okay? That he's less sure of and it's evident in the way his breathing's unsteady and his voice is shaky.]
Clarke, he wants to kill us and use our shards. He's not on our side anymore, he's already made his choice. [He knows she knows, but...it's scary to think about, really. And then a scarier thought occurs to him.] You can't tell Jason what I just told you about Quendi. Please. [There's more to the story he's not telling her. He knows Clarke might be able to tell, but he still can't quite wrap his head around his immense failures himself.]
But is it going to be okay? That he's less sure of and it's evident in the way his breathing's unsteady and his voice is shaky.]
Clarke, he wants to kill us and use our shards. He's not on our side anymore, he's already made his choice. [He knows she knows, but...it's scary to think about, really. And then a scarier thought occurs to him.] You can't tell Jason what I just told you about Quendi. Please. [There's more to the story he's not telling her. He knows Clarke might be able to tell, but he still can't quite wrap his head around his immense failures himself.]
Edited 2015-08-05 16:00 (UTC)
[Lumina doesn't seem to know what to do with those suggestions so she just shrugs and skips them.]
Well, yeah. I mean, a lot of my friends and your friends are the same people.
Well, yeah. I mean, a lot of my friends and your friends are the same people.
Edited 2015-08-05 17:14 (UTC)
No, I meant our friends from back home. [He's just going to reach up though and finally take the clip out of his hair. His bangs sweep back over his forehead and he becomes fully visible again, holding the clip out to her.] What about them?
( there's part of her that hates that other people know about the Shuck's plan, not because she wants to keep the information hidden, but because it just reminds them that they're losing this war. and now they have another contender to fight against; first the Seelie, then the Cult, and now the Shuck. )
I know he's made his choice, and there's nothing we can do about that except try to anticipate what his next move is and try to keep everyone as safe as we possibly can.
( she's quiet for a moment, considering. )
Okay. I won't. But you need to tell me what else happened when you're ready, all right? ( compromise. )
I know he's made his choice, and there's nothing we can do about that except try to anticipate what his next move is and try to keep everyone as safe as we possibly can.
( she's quiet for a moment, considering. )
Okay. I won't. But you need to tell me what else happened when you're ready, all right? ( compromise. )
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