zerotohiro | Some Legends Are Told, Some Turn To Dust Or To Gold [CEREALIA INBOX]

[ There's so much he could say to that. So much, he doesn't even know where to begin.

Is anyone supposed to die?

Nanako wasn't supposed to die.

Tadashi...

Yu is silent for a long time. Longer than Hiro might even be comfortable with. Finally: ]

I won't ask if you understand the enormity of what you're saying. I know you do. I think anything like this is worth at least trying. [ He finally glances at Hiro again, after a long moment spent looking away. ] But how would you test it?

[What a good question. He doesn't know, truthfully, and Yu's right in that the stretch of silence is almost uncomfortable. For a moment, he'd thought Yu would actually tell him it was a stupid idea. This isn't the case and he's left struggling with putting his thoughts into words.]

...there's that Nexus. It's where we supposedly all go when our code gets corrupted somehow, and...and people have come back out of there with new memories. I could test it myself. I could fix the coding and then test my own memories to see if I had new ones of Tadashi being alive. Something. Something that wouldn't hurt him or anybody else. I could try that. If it didn't work I could rewrite the code again until it did.

You want to corrupt your own coding and then try to fix yourself? Hiro...

[ Yu sighs. ]

Whether or not you're certain that would work, it's dangerous! I know you're meticulous, but what you're proposing goes beyond just a scientific experiment. I don't want to be the person that limits you, Hiro, but... what if something goes wrong? Who would be the person to bring you back?

I can't get anyone else involved. I'm not losing anybody else! [That outburst is probably expected but he's looking up and staring Yu in the face with a weird sort of ferocity.] I'll figure out a way to bring myself back, I'm not letting anyone else touch my experiments again!

[There's a pause and he's struggling to keep it together, shaking slightly in his fury at the idea of messing this up.] I can make this work, Yu. I don't...[He stops, floundering on what to say. He knows Yu's right. He can't exactly argue against it.]

[ I'm not letting anyone else touch my experiments again!

Again... there's a history there. More than Yu knows about. Hiro's body language would be a dead giveaway even if what he'd just said hadn't been. Yu watches him calmly. ]

Calm down, Hiro. It's alright. It's not that I don't believe you. But what you're saying... it's risky. And you want to do it alone. That's the part I can't let you do. Don't you see now? You have bonds, here. Me, Dipper, Ruby, Rei-san, Minato-san, everyone else you've met here in Cerealia... we're going to back you up.

[ Yu leans over, placing both hands on Hiro's shoulders. ] I know you're scared of losing us. But as much as you're asking us to trust in you, you have to trust in us as well. That's what the power of bonds means.

Edited 2016-01-24 08:20 (UTC)

I am calm! [This sure is calm. He tries to pull back but it's either he's not applying enough of his strength or Yu has too much of it that finds him unable to move. So instead he's clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head again.]

And what happens if those bonds break? Not all bonds last forever. I need to keep all of them as long as I can and the only way I can really do that is by keeping everyone else safe. [There are some deep-seated issues here.] Do you know what happens when people die here? Their coding gets messed up. It eventually reverts back to how it was but who knows what other lasting damage there could be? I don't know if I can rewrite someone else easily, but I can fix myself in the tests.

You're not. Take a moment and breathe, alright?

[ He won't continue this while Hiro is freaking out. He lowers his chin, trying to get Hiro to look hm in the eye and just breathe. He's not doing this because he's looking down on his friend; quite the opposite. He appreciates just how big and important this is, and precisely why this needs to be approached as calmly as possible. ]

[Nononono. His brain's buzzing too much and he's not sure where his thoughts are going, but Yu's voice cuts through all of that clean enough and leaves him with nothing but that thought.

"Breathe."

There's a brief second or two where he's doing just the opposite of that. Suddenly though, he takes Yu's advice. He takes a breath to calm down...

...and finds it quite horrific when that breath turns into a choked sob. 'Not now...please not right now.' This is still the opposite of calm but it's a little too late to stop the overflow of tears and another strangled sort of sound.

Maybe it was easier when he wasn't breathing.]

[ Yu knows what's coming before Hiro seems to. It's why, gently, he sets aside the food he'd brought. It had been sitting between them, and would have gotten in the way.

When Hiro starts to cry, Yu is ready for him. One arm is circling around the younger teen's shoulders, the other going round his waist. And just like that, he's carefully pulling Hiro against his chest, propping his chin on Hiro's head. He had a feeling this was coming. All that wound up energy, the topic at hand, the buzzing terrible readiness... this must have been weighing on Hiro for some time. And more than anything, wanting to do it alone... to do something as terrifying as attempt to raise the dead, and conduct all the experiments on himself, all to protect the people he loves...

Yu will admit Hiro is incredibly brave. But he's also extremely foolish. And he hugs his friend tightly, thinking all these things as he lets the boy in his arms cry himself out. ]

[There are several things here that need to be said and context to be given but that will come in due time. Maybe it's just due to Yu being older and wiser or maybe it's due to Hiro being far more stubborn than he should be, but it's absolutely no surprise that Yu catches on much quicker than Hiro does. He's surprised, if anything, to find Yu responding and part of him thinks he really needs to stop and pull away and suppress everything. They'd been having a very serious conversation and now...well. Would Yu take him seriously after this?

The other part, of course, is a little relieved and as such he finds himself more or less burying his face somewhere in Yu's shoulder. It's probably best for both of them that it doesn't take him long to cry himself out and pull himself together, but it's clear that this has been a long time coming and probably needed to be done. In the end when he does stop, he keeps his face hidden there and allows his words to be muffled.]

S-sorry. [A small sniff. He certainly feels foolish, but probably for all the wrong reasons.] This isn't why I asked you to come out here. Promise.

[ Unsmiling, but not unkindly, as he strokes a hand over Hiro's hair: ]

You know it would be okay if it was, right? You don't have to promise me anything. I'll always listen to whatever you have to say, Hiro.

...even if what I had to tell you would probably change your entire opinion about me? [He's still not moving, but at least he's oddly comforted by this.] I don't usually do this. [Cry on people, spill his guts, either or.]

.... you're smart, [ he begins, quietly, with the self-obvious. ] You're brave, and pretty spunky, too. You're not afraid to speak your mind when you feel like it. But you keep a lot of secrets, because you're afraid of getting hurt again. Beneath it all, you're pretty damn strong, Hiro. [ The arm around his friend's shoulders cinches a little tighter for a moment. ] Nothing's going to change that opinion, because it's the truth.

[Those things are true, but there's still a small part of him that wonders if the things he's done and the things he thinks make him smart and brave. There's a small huff somewhere in Yu's shoulder before he turns his head just enough to speak a little more clearly.]

That's part of it. The other part is that I'm afraid of hurting other people and disappointing them. [Which is also partially true, but for the most part he only really means Tadashi.] Did I ever tell you why I'm dating Ruby?

[ Well, that's inviting a story. As long as Hiro doesn't move, he keeps one arm around his friend's shoulders, protective and comforting, though he gives Hiro more room to breathe by pulling his other arm back. ]

No. Why's that?

[This is humiliating. He shouldn't be curled up into Yu's chest essentially blinking away stray tears and he should be better about explaining himself, but it's still comforting enough for him to continue this way.]

Ruby knows everything about me. Ruby knows everything about what happened back home and some of the other things that happened...she's the only person that know and she still likes me and doesn't treat me differently. I trust her more than almost anyone else in the entire world because she said...something weirdly profound for Ruby. About how I didn't have to do the thing where I act okay but look sad anyway because she still saw me as a hero. Ruby...kinda idolizes heroes. It's what she wants to do, too, by being a huntress. She stands for what's just and right and protecting people and I thought maybe she'd think I was a bad person for some things but she just sort of...accepted it. Even before knowing about Tadashi. Ruby's always sort of just accepted everything. And she said that she thinks I'm always fine enough to do what I have to do. She's probably right.

...maybe I'm just having a hard time still accepting all of it myself. Is that bad?

[ He's quiet, just letting Hiro talk. These sorts of things just kind of happen to him a lot, don't they? He can practically feel the S.Link rank up...

But this isn't the time for that.

All this talk of heroes... and he knows Hiro is one. What with the armor, and with Baymax, and all of that. If Ruby idolizes heroes, and with Tadashi's death... no wonder Hiro has such an obsession with needing to do these things himself. Not only did his brother die back home, but now he has a new reason to need to drive himself to perfection.

Yu shakes his head. ]

It means you're still figuring things out. There's nothing wrong with that. We're all still figuring out what we're going to be doing with our lives. Even my uncle was like that. [ Yu smiles a little, recalling the memories of his time with his uncle, as Dojima tried to find his way with Nanako. ] You don't have to know immediately what you're doing to do. All you have to know is that you don't have to do it alone, Hiro.

[ He keeps coming back to that point for a reason, and fixes his friend with a clear gaze. ] You aren't going to disappoint us. Not if we already believe in you and accept you for who you are. It sounds like the person you're really scared of disappointing ... is yourself.

[ Isn't that always the way? Your shadow... is born of being unable to accept yourself. As awful as that trial is, Yu almost wishes Hiro could face his Shadow here, and take that hardship head on... not because Yu wants his friend to suffer, but because Yu knows he would win. ]

[That's a good way to describe it; an obsession. He has a fixation on saving the world now and following Tadashi's footsteps that sometimes he barrels in without really thinking about the consequences of his actions. He's still learning to be a good leader and he's still, even now, learning about teamwork.

When Yu speaks, he pulls back from his friend's shoulder finally and brings a hoodie-covered hand up to swipe at his eyes and his nose. Apparently that doesn't bother him very much. Figuring things out? Sure, okay, there's nothing wrong with that. Yu's not exactly wrong either. He's worried about failure with something delicate like this, his own shortcomings, everything like that. How can he cal himself a hero if he doesn't actually own up to it? He'd be no better than some of the other people he's met here that're all talk and no action.]

...I wasn't supposed to become a superhero. But nobody else was doing anything to solve what happened, so I did it myself.

[ Yu watches him. ]

You never did tell me what happened. You just told me why.

[ Tadashi dying was why, of course. But what happened, what caused Tadashi to die...

Are they about to get into that, finally? ]

I haven't told anybody what happened except for Ruby. [The implication here should be clear to Yu, too. Not even Tadashi knows what happened after his death. He pulls back a tiny bit, curled up on the bench but he at least manages to mostly look Yu in the eye. They most certainly are about to get into that.]

The thing is...Tadashi's death wasn't really an accident. [A pause.] It wasn't a purposeful murder be he wasn't supposed to die. So...I told you about how Tadashi ran into the building to save his professor and how he never came back out, right? Professor Callaghan...he's done a lot for the robotics community...developed a lot of things, made his own laws of robotics...he was very important and he was Tadashi's mentor. I met him when Tadashi brought me to SFIT to try and convince me to apply to the school and he inspired me, too. It wasn't really a surprise that Tadashi ran in to save him, kinda like it wasn't a surprise he didn't survive that fire and neither did the microbots I made.

...I mean. That's what we thought, anyway. A couple of weeks later two really important things happened. I accidentally activated Baymax again, and I found one of my microbots in my pocket that had survived the fire. It was wigging out pretty bad though, the things aren't supposed to activate without other microbots to be attracted to. Baymax being Baymax decided he wanted to see where the microbot was trying to go. So we ended up in a warehouse and found that this masked guy was mass-producing my microbots. My inventions. And the guy in the mask wasn't happy to have company and he tried to kill us with the microbots.

You can imagine how the police reacted when I told them that a man in a kabuki mask tried to kill us with robots that he controlled with his mind. They wouldn't believe me, so I took Baymax home and...maybe it's bad it took me so long to figure this out, but after that? I realized that the fire had been on purpose. Someone had started the fire to actually steal my work.

[And he continues to talk, explaining how he made Baymax's armor and how he'd confronted the man in the mask by himself, how he'd almost gotten himself killed, how his friends had shown up at the last-minute to save them, how he'd convinced them to become superheroes if they really wanted to help him. He talks about the suits he made for them, the strategy they came up with, and most importantly he talks about how they had thought it was the CEO of Krei Tech, Alistair Krei, fueled by the fact Hiro had refused to sell his microbots.

He even talks about testing Baymax's wings and for the first time in the story he actually smiles a little. It doesn't last before he starts to talk about the island and the confrontation of the man in the mask.]

We really should have practiced with our gear, maybe. It was a giant mess. Maybe it was just luck that we knocked his mask off, but I had him cornered and I was finally ready to face Krei. [He stares at Yu silently for a minute before he shrugs.] Guess how surprised I was to find it wasn't Krei at all.

[Go on, Yu. He knows you have amazing deduction skills. Figure it out.]

[ As always, Yu is a good audience. Quiet but attentive, nodding along, making soft affirmative sounds to show he understands, expression soft when Hiro smiles, somber when Hiro talks of death and fire.

When the other boy finally stops talking, Yu is quiet for a moment, absorbing all of that information and making sure he's actually following along. Of course, Krei seems like the most obvious villain, and if it wasn't Krei...

He thinks back. To the fire, the reason Tadashi had died, and he feels his skin flash cold. Technically, theoretically, the man behind the mask could be anyone. Couldn't it? Anyone with reason to want to steal Hiro's microbots. But it wouldn't just be anyone. It would be someone with an interest in robotics. Someone who would have been there that day, and expressed an interest. Someone else who spoke to Hiro.

To try and convince me to apply to the school...

Yu can't say he understands the whole story yet. But this much he feels he's on the right track. ]

... it was Callaghan.

[His mouth's drawn into a thin line and he nods slowly.] None of us expected it...we all thought Callaghan died in the fire, but he used my microbots to protect himself. Tadashi went in there to save him and...[A pause. He averts his gaze.]

He said that Tadashi going in to save him was his own fault. That it was his own escape. He didn't care about what happened to him. Tadashi admired him and he didn't even care that he lost his own life trying to save him. [Another beat...] ...I kinda lost it after that...and I told Baymax to kill him. I pulled his nursing chip out so he was just using his fighting chip and set him to destroy Callaghan. He pushed my friends out of the way and he only listened to me and kept his sights set on Callaghan to follow his orders.

...Honey Lemon put his nursing chip back in before Baymax could finish the job and Callaghan got away. I was really mad at all of them for stopping us...so I took Baymax and left them on that island to go fix Baymax's scanners to track down Callaghan. I didn't need them. I knew how to fix everything. At least...I thought I did.

[And there's one more pause...before he finally explains the rest. He explains his anger, Baymax showing him Tadashi's recordings, his friends coming to the garage to forgive him and showing him that one flashdrive. He explains about Callaghan's daughter and why he was seeking revenge on Krei, the missing pieces of Silent Sparrow.

He's not even aware that his voice is more rushed and quiet the longer he talks and explains about the final fight, the way they were doomed and the way they overcame it. How they'd stopped Callaghan and saved Krei...and by the time he gets to the piece about the portal and Abigail he's barely above a whisper up until he finally finishes. Saving Abigail and losing Baymax. The last piece and the last thing he says is:]

...saying goodbye to Baymax was like losing Tadashi all over again. But it was his job to protect me, kinda like how Tadashi's always protected me before he died, too. That's why I can't risk losing anybody else. I'm not going to get lucky a second time. [Second time, Hiro?]

[ There are a lot of things here he could talk about. About the fact that Hiro did need his friends, or he wouldn't have gotten through. About how fixing everything couldn't have just come down to him alone, and yet here he is trying to do just that again. About how this must be the thing Hiro thought would change Yu's impression of him, but it changes nothing, because Yu almost did the same thing himself, once.

But first. ]

There are a few things I want to say. But... a second time?

Oh...yeah. Baymax's fist was the only part of him that made it out of the portal with me, but somehow he'd shoved his nursing chip into it. I found it a couple of days later. It's the chip that really makes Baymax Baymax...I could rebuild his body really easily but I could never rewrite all of his programming the way Tadashi had. The Baymax here? It's all the same coding but his body's my own work using Tadashi's old blueprints.

[...something occurs to him then.] ...it's almost like getting Tadashi back a second time, isn't it?

[ Yu's expression is gentle as he nods. ]

Yeah, it is.

[ He's quiet then, thinking on what he wants to say next. ]

There are a lot of things I want to say. But first... am I right in thinking that you believed your story about how you almost killed Callaghan would change my perception of you?

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