zerotohiro | I'll be the watcher of the eternal flame [Eachdraidh IC Contact]

Eight's not that early, I can be up by eight. [If he bothers sleeping.

...

...

...motherfu--]

What? [Hiro you are shit at lying, knock it off.] I don't have...what?

[Goddamnit Jason Todd.]

....is that not what they call it in your world? When you date a guy, we call that a boyfriend, and then if you date a girl, she's your girlfriend.

( ??? )

No I know that, that's how it is in our world, too. [Oh god. Ohhhh god okay. Okay! Okay, that's cool. It's not really...Jason did sort of announce it to the Unseelie side on his post a few weeks ago. And she doesn't know who it is, right? This is fine. This is fine!]

I. [Words, Hiro. Stop being flustered.] Right. Okay. That...makes sense. [A beat. And then, meekly:] Jason told you?

He mentioned it. And that he's in the other court. ( she pauses, briefly, her voice softening. ) I'm sorry, Hiro.

[There's a heavy sort of sigh, and when he continues his voice is muffled. You know. Just because he's buried his face in his hands.]

He's assuming things. [But they're not wrong things, and he's making that clear.] What'd he tell you?

Just that you have a boyfriend who is in Seelie, no details. It was just part of the bigger conversation we had, kind of a passing comment? Not the focus of the conversation.

What's his name?

Which is hilarious because we didn't start dating until after Jason grounded me. [A huff.]

...Clarke, I can't. These aren't really...you know. [Secure. He doesn't trust the lockets anymore.]

No- You're right, sorry, I sometimes forget about it.

As long as you're happy. As happy as you can be in the situation, at least. ( a huff. ) As long as he's good to you. That's all that matters.

I'll see you in the morning, okay? Bright and early.

It's okay. [There's a long pause as he debates.]

...we'll talk about this tomorrow, okay? If you still have questions or whatever. [He might even bring it up himself at this point because he hasn't told anybody. Period.] But yeah. Bright and early.

Okay.

( she won't really pry, not truly, because for her it hardly matters about the cross-court part. the only issue she has is if he's good to Hiro or not.

but she won't push. )

Good night, Hiro.

[Well the fact that she didn't freak out is assuring, at least. It's enough for him to decide that tomorrow when he sees her? He'll try to explain everything he can. Maybe...it'll help, somehow.]

Night...don't forget. Eight tomorrow. [And he'll disconnect the call.

And. You know. Probably not sleep a lot that night and be sitting out in front of the castle by 7:45am the next morning but that's fine. No big deal.]

( she approaches the castle at five to, and isn't at all surprised to see Hiro already waiting for her. she has a to-go cup in each hand from the Station, and holds one out for him when she approaches. )

Hope you're a fan of hot chocolate. I didn't exactly want to fuel the excitement with caffeine, too.

[Considering the fact that his leg is bouncing and his fingers are drumming on his backpack in his lap, it's probably not a bad idea that she skipped the caffeine. He's excited to go and also nervous about the conversation he needs to have with her. But he still manages a grin and he's practically launching himself to his feet, stopping so he doesn't overbalance and fall on his ass as he takes the cup from her.]

I guess I can forgive you just this once. [But he's taking a sip, clearly satisfied with himself.] So how're we gonna get there?

Fairy ring. We can take the one close to hear right to the University.

( Clarke sips on her own cup, beyond thankful for the jumpstart of coffee. as excited as she always is to go to school, and despite how it's about ten times higher than usual with Hiro accompanying, having coffee is definitely a Drabwurld luxury. )

Also, Jason asked that we check in, but I plan on being ridiculous about it. So I hope you're ready for me to send him a lot of pictures and videos of the things we do.

[Even if he doesn't have any in his cup, he can smell it wafting from Clarke's and it makes him happy and sort of homesick again all at once. But the idea of actually sitting in on some of the university's classes outweighs that and he hikes his backpack up higher on his shoulder, rolling his eyes at the comment about Jason as they make their way toward the fairy ring on the grounds of Caer Scima.]

Sure. You can send him all kinds of pictures of us sitting at desks and writing notes and not visiting secret boyfriends or picking up Seelie like stray cats or whatever he thinks is gonna happen. [There's a smirk, though slightly bitter. He remembers what Jason said in terms of why he wouldn't allow Hiro to visit Clarke's new office at the Station, but also the fact that he told Clarke certain things has weighed on his mind for the last couple of hours.

That bitterness shifts though suddenly.] But if he wants updates, guess we should keep him in the loop every half an hour or so.

Oh, I don't know about you, but I definitely plan to pick up at least three Seelie people to bring back.

( sarcasm! she has it.

but still, she can see the bitterness in him about it, and her free arm moves to wrap around his shoulders as they walk, offering a bit of a side-hug while they go. )

We just worry about you, you know, and we worry because we care. I'll take half-hour updates to Jason over having to worry any day.

[Usually he doesn't reciprocate her affections. The hair ruffles or the hugs she's previously given him were usually met with brush-offs or signs of absolute defeat. This time though he doesn't even seem to think twice about leaning in for a brief moment, just enough to acknowledge the gesture but not enough to knock them off their course as they walk.]

I know. Kinda weird since sometimes I'm not even sure how much Jason likes me. [You can care very deeply for a person and their well-being and still dislike them, and while he doesn't think that's the case with Jason...he's well-aware he's been pretty problematic and a sort of crappy friend for the last year.

There's also the implication that Jason likes Clarke a lot, and he's fully aware of that.] I still can't believe you got him to say yes. [There's a slightly hopeful expression then.] Maybe...if he sees nothing's actually going to happen he'll let me come by your office soon. Gotta say I'm kinda impressed you're managing that and school, too. ["Plus the whole war thing."]

He likes you, you just know how to frustrate him the best. Which I guess is probably what siblings do, right? And you guys get along like what I imagine brothers would.

( she saw the way Jasper and Monty could be, and she watched Bellamy and Octavia enough. worrying about the people who you consider family like that- sometimes being frustrated was just more ways to show how much a person cares. )

I can't believe I got him to say yes. He said no at first, we had to fight a bit before he actually gave in and was nice about it.

But- Thanks. I guess I don't really think about it, but it does keep me busy. But I love everything I get to do, so it doesn't feel like I'm under a lot of pressure, which I think helps a lot.

[There's a look suddenly, like he's not sure how to react to what she's saying and he almost stops walking entirely. He frowns suddenly, eyebrows knitting together and teeth gnashing at his lower lip as he thinks of how to describe it.] ...Tadashi had a lot more patience than Jason does. [It's the first time he's ever mentioned his brother's name to her. Probably the first time he's mentioned his brother at all, now that he thinks about it.] They're close to the same age but Tadashi pretty much helped raise me since I was three. Jason's kinda like what Tadashi would be if Tadashi had anger issues. [And an inferiority complex...] They're both...kinda overprotective.

[Or more like Hiro's so reckless he needs people hovering over him constantly. That's more likely. He chuckles a little though at that admittance.]

That sounds more like it. Maybe there's hope after all. [He nods in agreement then.] Totally helps...it also helps that you're good at what you do from what I can tell. And the medical field always has new things to learn. It's sort of the same way the science field's constantly changing, too.

( when Hiro almost stops, Clarke definitely does. she makes no effort to continue walking to the fairy ring, instead opting to listen. the problem is that- she doesn't have any experience with this. siblings didn't exist on the Ark outside of Bellamy and Octavia -- she almost wishes Bellamy were there to give a better 'big brother' weigh-in on it.

but- she's going to do her best for him, because it's what Hiro deserves from her, especially right now. )

I think it's different when you grow up with someone being your sibling than when someone kind of.... comes into this place of adopting you, in a way. And everyone is different, and are going to have different ways of influencing and raising the people that depend on them, which is probably why Tadashi had more patience than Jason, and why Jason is angrier. I mean, we all come from wildly different worlds, so I guess that's part of it.

( Clarke steps closer to him, reaches to card her fingers through his hair, affectionate as anything. )

It's impossible not to like you, okay? Tadashi and Jason probably show it in very different way, but I, for one, know that Jason definitely does, even if he's really bad at showing it.

[She has a point. He knows she has a point, that Tadashi had 14 years of dealing with Hiro's bullshit and 14 years living together and growing up and 14 years of making sure he was okay...and now he's not here. Instead, Hiro's found a new sort of family. He never really thought of it that way, "adopting" people, but it's hard to take the thought back now that it's out there.

He's having trouble meeting her eyes as her fingers run through his hair, biting back the instinct to argue and the other instinct to brush off the discussion. When it comes down to it, it's difficulty in trying to understand everybody from the different worlds and how they all relate. He had problems relating to his friends from his own world sometimes. This was still new to him and when Clarke speaks he draws a deep breath and finally looks at her.]

...there's something wrong with him, Clarke. [It's said in a way that's more matter-of-fact than anything. It's not a place of anger or judgment but it's very clear he's aware and it's very clear that it bothers him.] Don't tell him I said that, okay? But...there's something wrong and I don't know how to fix it.

[Several months ago, Jason had left messages for Hiro. Several months ago when Hiro ran away, several months ago when Hiro threw his bad habits right in Jason's face and disregarded everything the older man had ever done for him. That shift in his personality. The change that had occurred that Hiro recognized but never asked about and never knew how to approach. It was something that still worried him about Jason but nothing he ever brought up to anybody else until this point.] I think I make it worse, whatever it is. ["Something about me makes it worse." He stops again suddenly, giving her an uncertain look.

This is a useless conversation. Jason would be mad he's telling Clarke these things about him, wouldn't he? This isn't important and it's actually a burden to be laying out so he shuts his mouth and straightens up, a small grin on his face as he ducks out from her hand then.]

But yeah. I know he does. [He tilts his head as a gesture to keep walking.] We're going to be late if we don't keep moving, right?

Edited 2015-06-14 07:15 (UTC)

( yeah, that gesture of his? completely ignored, she's not going anywhere after that.

except maybe to use the hand that isn't holding her coffee to pull him against her so she can hug him, because she knows. she knows that something is wrong with Jason, has known for a while now, even before he told her about dying in his home world. which- she can't necessarily tell Hiro about, since she imagines that isn't information Jason would be passing on to a surrogate younger sibling.

her hand moves in slow circles between his shoulders as she tries her best to think of what to say, tries to think of how she can even begin to help outside of smacking Jason Todd right upside the head to try and knock some sense into him. )

I know. I know that there is, and we can't- That's not something we can fix for him, okay? All we can do is care about him and remind him that we care, and help however we can, but this isn't something that can be fixed by any one of us.

( her voice is tight with emotion, and it takes effort to keep it soft, comforting. because this isn't something that Hiro should have to feel, this isn't a way that anyone should have to feel. and if her conversation with Jason about Finn was anything to go by, this is the last thing Jason would want Hiro to be feeling. )

You don't make it worse. No part of this -- making it worse, making him better, fixing what's wrong -- is your fault.

( she clearly doesn't seem to mind if they're a little late; this is absolutely more important. )

Edited 2015-06-14 07:30 (UTC)

[And then...well, then there comes an action that might surprise her in the form of Hiro burying his face into her shoulder. He isn't aware of what Clarke knows about Jason (and he remembers what Jason told him about threatening to break his nose if he ever told people things about him) so he remains quiet, sitting on the knowledge of how Jason died and how Jason came back. He doesn't know a lot about Jason's history beyond his death and beyond how he protected his mother and the details of his death...but it's not something he can tell Clarke. If Jason wanted her to know, he'd tell her himself.

Instead, he keeps his face smushed into her, shoulders hitching and immediately stopping when he realizes he's letting this get the better of him. He's not allowed to freak out about this right now. But...having a friend helps. He doesn't speak for a bit, but then--]

...why not? What if that's not enough? [All said still from his burrowed place in her shoulder.] What if he doesn't want to hear it? ["What if he doesn't believe it?" There's another long pause.] It's just not fair.

[And though the context seems as though he means it's not fair that Jason's making him think about this, he knows Clarke will understand the underlying meaning. It's not fair that there's something so drastically wrong that nobody else can fix it.] If I understood it better, I could try to fix it.

( she's reached a point between the kids back home and those she knows here that not much will surprise her in the form of physical affection. her hand never ceases in its slow circles between his shoulders, and she tucks her chin in gently atop his head. )

If it's not enough, we find out what will be, and we help if we can. But Jason has to put the effort in to get better, all we can do is support him while he figures it out. And too bad if he doesn't want to hear it, I already told him I was doing it anyway. He gets reminded every day that people care about him, whether he likes it or not.

( meaning... yeah, Clarke's talked to him about how he cares about other people, and how other people care about him. it's an uphill battle, she knows it will be, but this isn't something that they can help Jason with in just a couple weeks, and it isn't something they can do without him putting the effort in as well. )

I know. It's not fair at all.

( though, as she's learned over the last two and a half years, not very many things are. but she still hates it, hates that it's unfair that they can't fix Jason, fix what's wrong, fix what happened. and it's not fair for someone like Hiro, who needs the people like Jason in his life to be better than they know how to be. it is unfair, and it's awful. )

We can't fix what's happened to make him like this, Hiro, even if we understood everything. I wish it was that easy, for the sake of everyone.

[It helps. A lot. It helps a lot more than he ever expected it to help and it's hard to focus on anything except for that weird, raw ache in the center of his chest that comes from the realization that he doesn't willingly let people touch him very often. That's probably not a good thing, but he'll take advantage of it for the time being. He doesn't move from his place but he turns his head slightly so he can talk without his words being lost.

Not that he says anything immediately. He's listening. It suddenly makes more sense now why Jason let Clarke take him, why Jason likes Clarke and the nature of their relationship. If Clarke's already been fighting that battle...why? Why would she know that?

And then those last words settle in his ears.]

...he told you what happened to him, didn't he? [The way she phrased it isn't a generic statement. It's said like someone who knows that the type of tragedy that happened isn't something that can be taken back.]

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